Big Brother 11 Week 6 :: Allison Has Spoken

Big Brother 11 Week 6 :: Allison Has Spoken
by Steven Daigle
EDGE Contributor
Wednesday Aug 19, 2009


This is Steven Daigle - the Gay Cowboy from Season 10 of Big Brother - and I am here to fill in for the Fabulous Marcellus (who is in Greece shooting the new E! International show "The Perfect Catch" with Carmen Electra) with my recap and eviction prediction for this week of Big Brother 11.

What to say about the recent explosive events of BB11? It is difficult to know where to begin. Jeff (hottie and one of my favs) was awarded the Coup D’Etat by America and chose to use it on the live eviction show (fantastic move!) to take Lydia and Russell off the block and put up Natalie and Jessie. I think you could have fit one of Jessie’s 18-inch biceps into Jordon’s mouth because her jaw dropped so far to the ground as Jeff stood up and made his announcement. I was doing my happy dance in the living room in front of the TV because it seemed for once in Big Brother history we got to see things go the way the majority of fans wanted. I would go into Jessie’s priceless shirt and his silly exit which sealed the nail in his coffin as forever being the "douche bag" of Big Brother... but we have so many more important things go over.

The aftermath of Jeff’s smart move in using America’s granted power was ever so tasty and juicy that it had to be fattening and I am now 10lbs heavier. The remainder of Jessie’s alliance - Kevin, Nat, Lydia and Chima - sat around the kitchen table and held a tribute to Jessie which could only be rivaled by Michael Jackson’s heart-wrenching memorial at the Staples Center. I kept waiting for Anderson Cooper to give us commentary and a recap. The tribute included tears, toasts and remembrances of all the good times they had, including my favorite line from Chima, in tears wiping her eyes she says "You remember he wanted to put me up, first week, remember that? He did, but you know what I mean, he wanted me out!" I know when Jessie put me on the block I cried big ol’ alligator tears for him. NOT. The only person at the table that even had a tiny ounce of sense was Kevin, who basically kept a kind of apathetic look on his face during the entire difficult-to-watch scene. A few minutes later we hear from Michelle, the new HOH, that she has every intention of putting Chima on the block; boys and girls, it is about to get good. Later a food competition is held in which you can see the tension building - the house has been divided so completely in half I am surprised they didn’t put tape on the floor to denote our side/your side like an old Laverne and Shirley episode. Ultimately the house wins food for everyday except Monday. "Savor this moment houseguests because it is the only good thing happening to you all week."

Tuesday night brings us the episode that I think will go down in BB history as ’The Night the Lights went out on Chima.’ Immediately the episode begins showing Chima just being in a foul mood and not wanting to play the game. Nat, Lydia and Kevin, who are still wallowing in their self-pity and convinced that they have just been wronged and that no one is playing fair, also won’t stop whining. I so want to be the Big Giant Voice for a moment: "Hello Houseguests, this is a competition, have you seen Big Brother before, please return to the game." Meanwhile the backyard opens to a small golf game obviously a set up on which houseguests can practice for the upcoming veto competition. Luckily I begin to feel a little better about Nat and Lydia; they decide they are gonna practice all night so they can teach those other mean houseguests a lesson. They awake sleeping beauty, Chima, from her slumber to come out and practice but she refuses to put on her microphone. Alright, momentary pause for commentary from someone who has been there - whatever beef you may have with your fellow Hgs, you don’t break the rules of the game. Come on people! This isn’t Third-World-Country-Overthrow-the-Dictator-Brother. It’s a TV show. After numerous attempts by her friends and Big Brother to get her to put the microphone on, in a stunning show of Poise, Class and Sheer Elegance Chima tosses it in the hot tub (It was like someone just poured gravy all over my tasty and juicy meal.) Being a former houseguest I can let you in on a secret: production didn’t like that! Microphones cost around $5000 and we are under contract to care for them and any intentional destruction is mandatory deduction from your stipend. Needless to say I have now paused the TV and put on my fat jeans because I have just sat down to a Thanksgiving feast and needed some room to grow, all on the night that I get to do my first real blog about the show. Yummy!

Cut to Chima in bed and her alliance begging her to please cooperate with BB so that she can stay and fight for them since they have all been so wronged by all the other HGs and America. Kevin, thankfully, was the true voice of reason and I am beginning to truly admire him more and more for his sheer determination as he stood on the deck of the Titanic and begged the iceberg to move out of the way. Then IT happened - and at that moment I dropped my fork and dove head first into the bowl of mashed potatoes. Allison Grodner, Executive Producer of Big Brother (AKA God to the Houseguests) asked Chima to go to the diary room - and Chima refused. People, this is big. Chaos ensues, Kevin is begging her to go (Kevin, hon, that iceburg ain’t moving). Meanwhile Nat and Lydia are yelling to say she just accidentally dropped her microphone in the hot tub from 20 feet away as 30 cameras caught it from every angle - wow, those girls are smart! The remainder of the houseguests are nowhere to be seen, and that’s probably best for them; right about now is when you treat Chima like she has the plague. As Chima enters the diary room she is told to not even sit down and escorted right out the other door and back to production. See ya - wouldn’t wanna be ya!

Let me just say that I am so disappointed in this girl. Whether you liked her or not she made great TV, she was Big Brother gold; and for them to ask her to leave had to be a tough decision for production. There are tens of thousands of people who try to be on Big Brother, some of them year after year - and Chima just stood up and took a piss on all of them. Yes, I said stood up cause it took balls to do what she did. I would like to remind everyone at this point that Big Brother is based on ’Expect the Unexpected.’ Has Chima ever seen a season of the show before? Just to recap a few recent seasons to prove my point: In Season 7 Allstars,Boogie was given the same power as Jeff on this season but had no need to use it, in Season 8 Eric, Americas Player, did the bidding for America for most of his stay in the house, in Season 9 the HGs voted to bring back Crazy James immediately after he had been backdoored and evicted rendering Ryan’s HOH null and void, and in Season 10 Dan was asked by America to get Jessie out and he did. Those are just a few recent examples; this game is not based on fairness, predictability or integrity - it is survival of the fittest and Chima, you had a chance to fight. And you gave up.

After this wrench was thrown, CBS scrambled to reconfigure and basically they decided that Michelle’s HOH reign was over, Chima had been expelled from the game for breaking the rules, a new HOH would be crowned and the world of Big Brother would be all back to "business as usual." The HOH competition began and, predictably, it was crying (Lydia), name calling (Nat), Crying (Nat), name calling (Lydia) and when it was all said and done, sweet innocent little Jordon from South Carolina was the new HOH (all of this done in cute golfing outfits that I am sure Marcellus would have commented on - for me, it was all just so much plaid.) Then started Lydia in her Chimaesque rebellious attitude cussing everyone for the unfair treatment her and her cohorts have endured. After the brutal insults and fighting ended there is the purest and sweetest moment of this season yet when Jordon breaks down in tears reading her HOH letter from home and we find out that she shares a room with her mom- so sweet! (But a little trailer park, don’t yall think?) Of coarse we can all see it coming: she nominates Lydia and Natalie, which is no sweat off my back cause them girls are CRAZY. This Thursday we get to see an exciting live POV, live eviction and then another HOH competition. This is a difficult prediction to make because of the unpredictable POV. I am going to shake my magic 8 ball and say that Lydia probably won’t win POV (she can’t seem to win anything except last prize in a cosmetology contest) and she’ll end up heading to the Jury house where she and Jessie will spend a week of not getting it on because hey, there are no cameras so what’s the point in Jessie pretending he likes girls (yes, I went there.)

I’ll be watching!
Steven from BB10
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